You can be a good mother and still follow your dreams.
I’m not going to lie, I often pause and remind myself of this realization. I find myself so incredibly thankful for the time period I’ve been selected to live in. I feel so grateful to be a woman and mother in the year 2018 after so many courageous women have come before me, paving the road and giving us the tools to become more empowered in our own lives and as moms too.
I’m digging a little deeper into the topic of motherhood with y’all today. I’m sharing my story in partnership with Olay about how my expectations going into the role of “Mommy” weren’t even close to the reality of what motherhood has truly brought me.
My Preconceived Notions of Motherhood
Let me preface this by saying that I’m quite the “old soul” inside. I grew up in the south and spent countless nights watching old Hollywood movies where the perception of motherhood is very much that of Betty Draper in Mad Men type scenario. I even have a few 1960s vintage aprons hanging in my pantry similar in style to what the moms wore on Mad Men too. I would look at my colorful aprons hanging on their hook and think blissfully to myself, “one day I’ll cook a casserole for my family while wearing that adorable apron!”
These dated ideas of what motherhood looked like somehow slipped into my consciousness. Over time, I subconsciously assumed whenever I would become a mom, I would probably stay at home with my kids like my own mom did, take them on adventures, bake them cookies and cinnamon rolls, all while cooking fabulously delicious meals for my husband too. Having my mom home with us growing up was such a gift and I knew I wanted to give that to my children too. Plus … I couldn’t imagine myself wanting to be anywhere else but with my family 24/7.
But When I Grew Up … I Found an Amazing Career that I LOVED.
Read more about my career journey here. I was working full-time in fashion marketing with Lone Star Looking Glass as my side hustle when I found out I was pregnant. I remember questioning in those early days … can I really truly have it all one day!? Is there a way I can have my career and be home with my future child at the same time? There was a lot of soul searching done during those nine months of pregnancy.
From the creation of Lone Star Looking Glass in 2013 to the week before Annie was born (five years later), I spent 8-9 hours a day in an office. I would wake up early and stay up late to crank out work on my passion project: this blog. I would answer blog-related emails on my lunch break and sometimes even have conference calls in my car with only minutes to scarf down my food before heading into my “real” job.
I’d even shoot all of my looks for my posts at 6:30 or 7 am to be in the office by 8. That meant I had to set my alarm well before dawn to get all dolled up, with clothes steamed & pressed plus packed away in time to be on location for the shoots. I didn’t mind the long days because I was truly in love with what I was doing.
Well Into My Pregnancy, I Knew This Situation Wouldn’t Work Once Annie Was Here
That first-trimester exhaustion hit me HARD. The woman who woke up at 5 am and was ready to put in a 16-hour day quickly became the woman who came home from work and binged 6 episodes of Gilmore Girls. Juggling my marketing career and the blog became more difficult than ever. At the time, I even switched from a corporate marketing position to one at a local boutique thinking the drop in stress levels would make it so I could have both my career and my blog. Have my cake and eat it too type of scenario. I was going to be set!
But the closer I came to my due date, the more I realized that I couldn’t juggle it all. My husband and I looked at the numbers and came to a conclusion we could forgo my income from my current position and rely on Lone Star Looking Glass going forward. I felt more confident than ever this was the time to take my blog full-time. This meant I could work from home when I needed to and spend the rest of my time 100% focused on Annie.
Little Did I Know that Truly 100,000% of Your Time Goes into Being A Mother
Prior to Annie’s birth, I was convinced I would have SO MUCH TIME to get my work done once she arrived. I thought I’d jump at the chance to grab my computer during naptime or when she went down to bed at night. This is false on so many levels. I did try hard in the very early days though. (I blame the c-section pain meds!) I think I was still mentally in that “gotta get this done/answer this email/post this content” mindset that it took me a while to snap out of it.
Even though I was in the midst of newborn bliss and Annie was my top priority, taking a break from this blog just didn’t seem like an option at the time.
It got to the point where Annie was 3 weeks old and I was baking these sweet treats for a Valentine’s Day shoot not knowing I had a 101+ degree fever and was about to be readmitted into the hospital the next day. My mom was in town and kept telling me to slow down, slow down, slow down. I didn’t listen because I thought I could do it all. The fever + infection had nothing to do with my energy levels but it was a reminder that my body was nowhere near recovered.
After that bit of reality hit, I did slow down. And I didn’t take on any big projects for a while. I devoted myself 100% to my new role as mom and let my blog fall a bit to the wayside. I savored each and every cuddle and coo from my darling newborn daughter. I knew this time would be fleeting and I didn’t want to let anything get in the way.
Sure, I cranked out work when Patrick was home on the weekends or if a random burst of energy hit here or there. But it was nothing like the flexibility to do both that I thought it would be those first few months.
I Briefly Wondered … Can I Really Have Both?
Choosing to be a stay at home mom and a working mom is kind of insane but also insanely amazing. Annie and I grew together, her physically and me mentally. I learned every single little thing about her and our routines became easier and easier. I also began to feel more confident in finding the time to focus on my work once more. I relied on help and even toted Annie around to various shoots and meetings. (Honestly looking back I think I was crazy to bring her to some of that stuff … but hey it all worked out!)
When things started picking up pretty quickly on the work side … I remember questioning myself … “Is this really okay? Is it alright that I’m doing all of this for me and my career? Should I really be bringing Annie with me to this meeting? Am I a horrible mom for pursuing my own interests instead of solely pouring every ounce of myself into hers? I really should be at the park right now or reading her a book instead of doing XYZ, shouldn’t I?”
My “mom guilt” was at an all-time high. Not only stepping away to work would set it off but even doing simple things for myself like taking a shower. Hearing Annie cry from across the house while not being able to get to her would seriously send daggers through my heart. Even though I knew my husband was dutifully caring for her in my absence too.
My Support System of Fellow Mamas Saved Me
I found an amazing group of fellow moms here in Houston with littles all close in age. My weekly brunches and get-togethers with these gals has kept me sane on so many levels. (Plus they’ve just been a whole lot of fun too!) When Annie was just a few months old, I spilled my feelings of “mom guilt” to my friends only to find out that I wasn’t completely alone.
These supportive women even assured me those feelings were completely normal. But the best thing they did was tell me, “Yes, you can have it all! You can carve time out for you. Your daughter will be so proud of you one day to see what all you have accomplished. It will inspire her to pursue her dreams when she is a mom too!”
Their encouraging words kept me going while also feeling more confident in what I was doing career-wise. My family and husband were incredibly supportive as well. Having a great support system makes all of the difference in the world and I’m so thankful for these amazing people in my life!
My Work Life Balance is All Over the Place But Worth It
Annie is and always will be my top priority. Which makes juggling the full-time workload with being a stay at home mom is no easy feat. Because no matter what, she comes first. Once again there are early mornings and late nights. But now I have the luxury of deciding what to do with my time, working when I want to and not working when I don’t. I’ll have a to-do list with a million things on it and then decide … “Nah, let’s go to the zoo instead. Or nope, we’re going to go to the park or the pool. How about we just play in your teepee for a few hours, Annie? Mommy can reply to that email or send that invoice later.”
With this freedom also comes sacrifice. Sometimes I’ll have to shut myself away in another room on the weekends to spit out content, tackle my to-do list and reply to emails. I’ll hear Patrick and Annie giggling in the living room and it’ll utterly kill me not to join in on the fun. But knowing that the next morning I’ll get to cuddle Annie in bed for as long as we both want to makes it all worth it.
I’m quite the dreamer. Yet I never in a billion years imagined I would have so many adventures once I become a mother. And I love that I’m not the only one. It makes me so happy to see my mom-friends’ posts on social media when they are sharing achievements, milestones or amazing opportunities that were just for them. It’s more and more acceptable for us as women to carve time out for ourselves and pursue our own passions than ever before.
We as women have come a long way from society forcing the need to be that Betty Draper “perfect mother” upon us. (If you’ve seen the show though, she’s definitely not perfect!) Thanks to the fearless & driven women who’ve come before us (like Peggy Olson – another Mad Men reference) we’ve been given the opportunity to both be mothers AND incredible women in the workforce too. Sometimes you might just need a bit of encouragement to get there!
So I Want to Encourage You that Yes You Can Have it All Too!
In today’s day and age, women and mothers can be whoever they want to be. Whether you work from home, in an office, devote yourself entirely to your children, or have multiple hobbies – it’s not specifically what you do that matters as long as you have the courage to do something just for you, it’ll make you a better mother too!
And you know what, I still want to pick up my Mad Men inspired apron and cook a casserole dinner for my family. But … maybe only like once every other week or so! 😉
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Thank you so much to Olay for encouraging me to share this story with y’all. I hope it brings you confidence in your own lives too. I wouldn’t be where I am today without the encouraging words from not only friends and family but from passionate strangers I’ve encountered on the internet too. And as always, thanks for following along on this journey of mine!
Ps: Olay created this amazing inspirational video to further encourage women in all walks of life to follow their dreams and do so fearlessly. Check it out here & below:
This is a sponsored conversation written by me on behalf of Olay. The opinions and text are all mine.
